The following is a series of journal entries, published with permission. The client received three Sexological Bodywork Sessions in a two day personal retreat. Sessions and retreats are designed to fit the needs, desires and curiosities of individual clients.
So I traveled to NYC today to start this mini-retreat to explore my sexuality. There is a part of me that thinks this is crazy and wondering what I’m doing. And although I’m a bit excited I can’t lie and say that I’m not having second thoughts right now. As it nears the time and VERY nervous and a bit anxious but I know that this is about me and being open to the experience so I go with it…
The experience is amazing, Ron was really good at reading my body … he started with an extended massage which was perfect. I got comfortable with his touch and the idea of what we’re doing. … I experienced sensations I had never felt before and it was pretty spectacular. I told Ron that this was the first time I wasn’t self conscious about my body, perhaps it was because there is no relationship between Ron and I – not sure but it definitely allowed me to let go. I am hoping that I can carry that level of self confidence in my other sexual experiences.
I am glad that I came.
Today’s experience was intense… for like an hour… there was an extended period of time where my body just shook. It felt like the urge to shudder was coming from the inside out and I felt it down to my toes. It was amazing… it was ALMOST too much – so hard to put into words. I have never experienced anything like that before.
At the end of the session Ron remarked on how responsive my body was, and I honestly didn’t know that I was responsive. Past experiences felt good but not body shattering, … It was really surprising to me at how much I enjoyed everything, the last little bit of time all I could do was lay there and experience … just amazing… seems crazy but that’s what I want.
At first I thought I would just lay down and sleep for the afternoon but all of a sudden I’m ravenous and I have a ton of energy so I’m going to go outside and explore for a bit. 🙂 Tonight is one of the workshops. I’m hoping that it will be a good experience.
Update – after a quick trip sightseeing I came back to the hotel and was knocked out, I slept for five or six hours straight. I guess this experience impacted me even more than I thought! Something has definitely changed though… even while I was walking around today I noticed that my hips are swinging and my confidence has grown. Amazing!
Day 3 (Part 1)
I was curious about how today would turn out. Yesterday was intense it was a life changing experience for me … I woke up this morning feeling happy, I would even venture to say that I feel joyful. I feel like I ‘fit’ in my own skin. I shower, do my hair throw on my tightest skinny jeans, a sweater, leather jacket and almost knee high boots and I feel sexy. It’s been a LONG time since I’ve felt this way.
I was a bit nervous about today … but Ron and I agree to start off slow and see how things go from there… Today was such a different experience from yesterday but another amazing one.
I had no idea my body was so responsive,
I had no idea I could feel so deeply or intensely.
I had no idea that I could feel such pleasure … I felt pins and needles in my toes and my fingers.
How amazing is that?!
Coming out of today’s session I feel like I could run a 5k, my body feels alive, whole, centered and most importantly satiated. Walking around … people are looking at me because I literally have a smile on my face. It almost brings me to tears to know that I’m NOT broken, that I am a whole and complete woman who is just now scratching the surface in finding herself.
I have lunch and then walk to a nearby jewelry store. I buy a beautiful piece of body jewelry… BODY JEWELRY!? I mean so NOT like me, but putting it on I felt sexy and it’s a perfect tribute to this mini-retreat weekend.
… pushed me in the right way and has helped me to start this amazing journey to find my sexuality, to understand my body and what it needs and to find myself. I plan on attending the workshop tonight and hope to have more to tell of my story of Day 3. In the meantime I owe so much to Ron for helping me to start this journey to finding myself.
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